Depression = Anger
Mar. 17th, 2020 10:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shayzamnWarning: mostly navel gazing here today.
I can tell when depression is getting worse - I get angry about a lot of things that I otherwise would completely blow off. I get annoyed far more easily. Fortunately, I know this, and I can make myself NOT say anything or act on the anger.
I deal with depression and anxiety every day of my life - and have since at least puberty. Hooray. My therapist and I have been working on things, and she's helped me figure out a lot. But the depression and anger remains, as does the anxiety.
Right now I am angry. Furious. Full of so much anger and hate I want to pour it out over everyone I know and some people I don't know. I am not, but I need a place to put it and walk away. So, here I am.
So many people on my friend list on FB are doing the "Support all the small business-people that you know." Absolutely. But they are framing it as "If you're not supporting them, you're not doing your job. And you're not a good person." *deep breath* Really? I am trying to keep myself afloat in terms of mood, food, work, social distancing, etc., and now you want to lay this on people? That's NOT HELPFUL.
My blood pressure is high - I can feel it every day. I should get it looked at - renew my meds. But right now I can't - because the doctor can't fit me in among all the panicking people, and she's my NEW doctor, which means I have to have a complete physical first before she can renew my meds....
I feel bad for all the people who are now having to deal with anxiety when they haven't before. I do. But I also want to smack them HARD - this is what it's like to live in my head ALL THE F'ING TIME! Particularly those who have been dismissive of anxiety/depression (Because apparently people 'fake' depression?? Mine doesn't count, according to at least one person, because HE has it worse).
A lot of the people demanding compassion now are some of the least compassionate people I have ever met, and some of the cruelest. I would laugh if I didn't feel like crying.
I worry about my parents and my sister, and I HATE being so far away right now. I worry about my immuno-compromised friends. I worry about everything. I am worrying about everyone but me, and that's not terribly helpful, either.
The weather around here isn't helping - rainy and blah never helps my mood. But since I don't really have any other option, I soldier on. Keep working. Do the things I can, and try to ignore the guilt-mongering and anger.
I can tell when depression is getting worse - I get angry about a lot of things that I otherwise would completely blow off. I get annoyed far more easily. Fortunately, I know this, and I can make myself NOT say anything or act on the anger.
I deal with depression and anxiety every day of my life - and have since at least puberty. Hooray. My therapist and I have been working on things, and she's helped me figure out a lot. But the depression and anger remains, as does the anxiety.
Right now I am angry. Furious. Full of so much anger and hate I want to pour it out over everyone I know and some people I don't know. I am not, but I need a place to put it and walk away. So, here I am.
So many people on my friend list on FB are doing the "Support all the small business-people that you know." Absolutely. But they are framing it as "If you're not supporting them, you're not doing your job. And you're not a good person." *deep breath* Really? I am trying to keep myself afloat in terms of mood, food, work, social distancing, etc., and now you want to lay this on people? That's NOT HELPFUL.
My blood pressure is high - I can feel it every day. I should get it looked at - renew my meds. But right now I can't - because the doctor can't fit me in among all the panicking people, and she's my NEW doctor, which means I have to have a complete physical first before she can renew my meds....
I feel bad for all the people who are now having to deal with anxiety when they haven't before. I do. But I also want to smack them HARD - this is what it's like to live in my head ALL THE F'ING TIME! Particularly those who have been dismissive of anxiety/depression (Because apparently people 'fake' depression?? Mine doesn't count, according to at least one person, because HE has it worse).
A lot of the people demanding compassion now are some of the least compassionate people I have ever met, and some of the cruelest. I would laugh if I didn't feel like crying.
I worry about my parents and my sister, and I HATE being so far away right now. I worry about my immuno-compromised friends. I worry about everything. I am worrying about everyone but me, and that's not terribly helpful, either.
The weather around here isn't helping - rainy and blah never helps my mood. But since I don't really have any other option, I soldier on. Keep working. Do the things I can, and try to ignore the guilt-mongering and anger.
