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shayzamnThings are a’changing.
Work is switching over to Agile… which WILL be great. In the same way that I-35 will be great.
In other words, right now it SUCKS.
It’s extremely stressful. More work, changing HOW we work, what we work on, how we track things (tracking things now takes longer than DOING things).
Faire is changing – and I am caught in the maelstrom there as well. It’s… meaner. An anti-bullying class was taught last year – this year, the bullying has accelerated. And one person has accused me AND my staff of bullying because we are trying to insist that people adhere to the rules of the world (which is now apparently boring and mean). And I feel as though I am being bullied right out of faire. One of my least-threatening staff members was accused of threatening people, if you read her comment in a certain way. So she’s talking about quitting, too. Most of my staff is disaffected, and feel like we are no longer wanted out there. And we have both been sticking it out for the other one.
It all culminated in me being so upset last week that I hit a mental tailspin. I felt like dying. I wanted to be dead rather than deal with faire any more. I did not attempt suicide, nor did I have any solid plans, but I wanted it SO badly. I stayed in bed all day. I fessed up to my roomie when she got home from work, and once I had cried myself out (again), we had a serious discussion.
And another one later. And another one. We’ve talked about why we both feel we no longer belong at faire, what it would mean to step out, what else we could do, and so on.
I will be talking to my therapist tomorrow, but the fact is, I am done. I no longer feel welcome at faire. I no longer feel like History is welcome. So… time to let go.
The fact that I am only a little sad about it tells me that I am making the correct decision.
My history library will not go to waste. Several of us are going to put together a Youtube channel called “History Onna Stick” that covers all sorts of history – anything that interests us. We hope that it will be interesting, different, and even entertaining as well as interesting. 😊
And I will have so much more time to quilt, to go places, to go see my parents and help my sister out with stuff there. I’ve done faire for about 20 years now, both as patron and on cast. It’s time I step aside and do other things.
I keep telling people that real life is more important than faire. It’s time I listen to myself.
Work is switching over to Agile… which WILL be great. In the same way that I-35 will be great.
In other words, right now it SUCKS.
It’s extremely stressful. More work, changing HOW we work, what we work on, how we track things (tracking things now takes longer than DOING things).
Faire is changing – and I am caught in the maelstrom there as well. It’s… meaner. An anti-bullying class was taught last year – this year, the bullying has accelerated. And one person has accused me AND my staff of bullying because we are trying to insist that people adhere to the rules of the world (which is now apparently boring and mean). And I feel as though I am being bullied right out of faire. One of my least-threatening staff members was accused of threatening people, if you read her comment in a certain way. So she’s talking about quitting, too. Most of my staff is disaffected, and feel like we are no longer wanted out there. And we have both been sticking it out for the other one.
It all culminated in me being so upset last week that I hit a mental tailspin. I felt like dying. I wanted to be dead rather than deal with faire any more. I did not attempt suicide, nor did I have any solid plans, but I wanted it SO badly. I stayed in bed all day. I fessed up to my roomie when she got home from work, and once I had cried myself out (again), we had a serious discussion.
And another one later. And another one. We’ve talked about why we both feel we no longer belong at faire, what it would mean to step out, what else we could do, and so on.
I will be talking to my therapist tomorrow, but the fact is, I am done. I no longer feel welcome at faire. I no longer feel like History is welcome. So… time to let go.
The fact that I am only a little sad about it tells me that I am making the correct decision.
My history library will not go to waste. Several of us are going to put together a Youtube channel called “History Onna Stick” that covers all sorts of history – anything that interests us. We hope that it will be interesting, different, and even entertaining as well as interesting. 😊
And I will have so much more time to quilt, to go places, to go see my parents and help my sister out with stuff there. I’ve done faire for about 20 years now, both as patron and on cast. It’s time I step aside and do other things.
I keep telling people that real life is more important than faire. It’s time I listen to myself.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-21 01:08 am (UTC)